Just when I was starting to wonder if anyone even reads this blog, I received word that Unconditional Confidence is on an expanding list of outstanding personal development blogs started by Priscilla Palmer. There are some pretty hot bloggers on the list, including some of my favorites, like Tuck Self of the Rebel Belle blog, Kim George of Doing What You Can Do, and my buddy Andy Wibbels, who got me hooked on this blogging thing in the first place.

I’m so thrilled to be included. And since this list has introduced me to some great blogs, I thought you might want to discover them as well. Here’s the list.

Thank you, Priscilla, for starting this!

• Aaron Potts at Today is That Day
• Adam Kayce at Monk at Work
• AgentSully at Life Learning Today
• Al at 7pproductions.com
• Alan Torres at Made to Be Great
• Alex Shalman at AlexShalman.com
• Alexander Kjerulf at The Chief Happiness Officer
• Alexys Fairfield at Unraveling The Spiritual Mystique
• Albert Foong at urbanmonk.net
• Amber at Random Mangus
• Amie Ragan at Psychology of Clutter
• Amy Hedin at There is no Maximum to Human Potential
• Andrea Learned at Learned on Women
• Andrea J. Lee at Money, Meaning, and Beyond
• Andy Wibbels at AndyWibbels.com

There’s a ton more, so keep reading!

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Is there a formula for confidence? Does it consist of certain components that when piled together create confidence?

I think this depends on how you define confidence. And since my definition is different from most others I would say, no. Confidence is not a collection of components. It isn’t created. It just is.

Then, as I read Dr. Larina Kase’s post over at her Mindset of Success blog, I realized that while confidence is not a collection of attributes or qualities, one’s experience of confidence is influenced by what we think about ourselves. For instance, I don’t think you can fully experience your confidence without a healthy self-esteem.

Yes, there is a difference between self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the value you see in yourself. Dictionary.com defines it as "a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect." Unless you respect who you are, you can’t experience a confidence in who you are. That inner confidence still exists; it’s just being squashed by your lack of self-respect, your unwillingness to hold yourself in high regard.
 
Strangely enough, there was just a study done that supposedly proved that we all have self-esteem, no matter how we present ourselves.

Anyway, enough with all the definitions and studies and formulas.

What matters is, are you experiencing a confidence in who you are, regardless of any definition or formula anyone may come up with? And if not, what’s up with that? What’s in your way?

More than likely, it’s a thought. Or a whole endless stream of thoughts that are probably creating some definition of who you are. Or aren’t.

What you think creates your experience. What you think of and about yourself, your situation, your past experience, your competence and how you interpret your results or respond to what is happening all have a huge influence on your abilility to know and express your confidence. Change your thinking, change your experience of confidence.

Dr. Larina calls this Mindset. But whatever you call it, you can change it in order to allow yourself a greater experience of your natural, non-formulaic confidence. As well as many other wonderful things, like abunance, joy, success. But that’s a different post all together.

Tags: Self-Confidence Fear of Public Speaking Confidence Self-Esteem

I’m always yackity-yacking about confidence but I have I ever fully defined it?
I don’t think so.

At least, not here on this blog.

But I am inspired by a recent post at Parent’s Eye View that actually used a dictionary definition of confidence that felt rich, complete and accurate. I am especially facinated by the first two definitions:

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed. The best definition, but also the one that is most used insincerely;

2. belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

Full trust, belief in the powers. Trustworthiness. Sounds yummy, no?

So, using this definition, self-confidence could be defined as a full trust in oneself, a belief in one’s power, right? A sense of self that is worthy of our own trust. Ah, yes. That’s getting closer.

But then there’s that second definition which, while technically accurate, doesn’t fit my own.

To me, confidence is a state of being and an essential quality of our true self. We are born with it. All of us. It is an inherent, knowing trust and belief in who we are, as we are. It has nothing to do with how much we know or what we can do. It is a confidence in ourselves that extends far beyond all that.

When we feel confident about something we can do, like speak in public, drive a car, knit a sweater, that is a confidence in a certain ability. I suppose we could call it Skill-Confidence, but not Self-Confidence, because it is confidence that only extends to a certain skill or ability.

Even the the dictionary’s definition of self confidence is distorted. Again, it’s all about a confidence in one’s abilities, judgement or power, but not in one’s Self, not in who you are  regardless of what you can or can’t do. This is a mistake, and I suppose I’ll have to tell the Dictionary people about it!
 
What’s your definition of Confidence and Self-Confidence? Do you have a confidence in who you are? Or do you have confidence in certain things you can do?

The truth is that you do have an unconditional confidence in who you are. You came with it. It was part of your Starter Package when you arrived here. And it’s not lost. You’ve probably just buried it under a lot of conditioning.

Tags: Public Speaking Self-Confidence Fear of Public Speaking Confidence Self-Expression