I’d rather be shot at dawn than play a game of Pictionary. Sure, it’s supposed to be a fun game, lighthearted and full of endless, squealing delight, but here’s the deal. I don’t draw. Not publicly, not privately. Not ever.

Why?

Because long ago and far away I decided that I was no good at drawing or painting or anything that resembled visual art. I’m not sure when or why I made this decision, but I did. And as a result, I don’t draw. Or, rather, I won’t draw.

Yet to this day, I envy people who can draw or paint. My friend, Jim, for example, and Tony Bennett, both who paint amazingly well and love doing so. And I’ve always thought it would be a blast to be a cartoonist. But there is no way that I will allow myself to even experiment, because my internal script says “Nope. No way. Can’t do it.”

We all have these internal scripts we’ve written for ourselves, scripts that define the character we call “I” or “me.” And from what I can tell, these scripts are based on certain decisions we’ve made about ourselves as we’ve bopped along on this journey of life. The longer we travel, the longer we recite our internal scripts without ever stopping to question if we like our lines or if this character is who we really are.

So, let me ask you now, what script have you written for yourself in regards to speaking or performing in public? Does your internal script say, “Oooo, I love to speak in front of groups! It’s a total blast! And I’m really good at it.” or does it say, “Public speaking sucks. I hate it. And besides, I’m no good at it.” Whatever your script is, it’s based on a decision you’ve made about yourself at some point along the way. Like my decision that I’m no good at drawing and therefore I can’t (won’t) do it.
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My friend Michelle, who is a fabulous NLP practitioner, always says that the fear of public speaking is irrational because audiences may hate what you have to say but they don’t come chasing after you with torches and pitchforks.

Oh, yeah?

Well, if a karaoke singer can be attacked, why not a speaker?

It happened on Thursday, August 9, in Seattle, Washington. A well-meaning guy got up to sing a Coldplay song and a woman not only yelled at him, she went up on stage, pushed the guy AND PUNCHED HIM!

Here’s the whole story:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/327017_karaoke10.html

Gee, you all, I feel like a owe you an apology, especially in light of my post about relying on the kindness of strangers. But I really think you’ll be just fine as long as you avoid singing songs by Coldplay.

Performing, like speaking in public, can at times be an outrageous act of courage.
Especially if you are a singer who has lost her voice.

My friend, who shall remain nameless, called me yesterday. It was the first night of her two-week run at a very well-known cabaret room in San Francisco. And she was so sick that she had almost completely lost her voice.

"I don’t know if I can sing. Everytime I take a breath I start coughing," she said in a rough, raggedy voice. "And I have press coming tonight. If I could, I’d just call the whole thing off."

It’s scary. When you are a singer and you’re sick and you need to perform, it just feels awful because you know there is no way you can do your best. There is no way that you cannot be super-conscious and cautious about what kind of sounds might come out of your mouth, or if any sound at all will come out of your mouth.

But, as they say, the show must go on.

So, I’ll tell you what I told her. When you can’t be at your super-shiny best, when you’re instrument is less than ideal, when you are working with obstacles over which you have no control, REMEMBER, your connection with your audience must be your primary focus.

See, what often happens with singers in particular is that they get so obsessed and self-absorbed in trying to sing well that they cut off from their audience. Especially when they aren’t in great vocal shape. They are mentally fussing with their voices so their energy and attention is on technique and getting through the next phrase without coughing.

But here’s the deal. Your audience doesn’t care if you take a breath and start coughing. They understand that singers get sick. They don’t care if that note didn’t soar out with perfect intonation and pitch. They will forgive all that IF you don’t leave them.

So, don’t leave them. No matter what happens, be with your audience. Sing to your audience. Let your availability and vulnerability be right there for them. Don’t hide. Be real with them and they will love it, whether you’re spot on or not.

I remember seeing Rita Moreno perform several years ago, and she was sick. No, her voice wasn’t as strong or as clear as it usually is, and at one point she had to turn from the mic to cough, but she was right there with us. She didn’t hold back on her presence and energy. And it was a fabulous show.

When your voice leaves you, when your speech isn’t perfect, when something goes wrong with the equipment, none of that matters IF you can stay with your audience through it all. When you hit the stage and you know you’re not at your best, let it go. Decide that your connection with your audience will be your primary goal and focus, and you will do just fine.

P.S. My friend did do just fine. She even sang pretty well, and the reviews are going to be great. I just know it.

Danger!

There’s an epidemic infecting the majority of the population of America. Maybe the world.

No, I’m not talking about avian flu, or malaria or hyperopia.
I’m talking about the Epidemic of Not Enough.

The symptoms to watch for are:

1. a tendency to always think or feel that you are in some way not enough, that you are lacking some quality, skill, talent or characteristic.
2. the thought that others may be able to be, have or do what they want, but you don’t get to.
3. the feeling that you always need more of “something” (more money, more time, more training, more experience) before you can take action or succeed.
4. feeling stuck, like you can’t move ahead or follow an impulse because you either talk yourself out of it, postpone it or doubt your ability to create a satisfactory result.

If you recognize any of these symptoms, don’t call your doctor. Chances are he’s got the same disease and won’t have a clue as to how to cure you.

In my work with clients, when someone is feeling nervous, anxious, scared or stuck about expressing themselves in public, it is almost always associated with what Kim George calls, The Illusion of Not Enough. (Kim is the author of “Coaching Into Greatness,” an amazing book that I am eating up right now.) This is when you start feeling extremely nervous and scared because you hold some belief or thought that you’re simply not up to the task of speaking or performing in public.

You tell yourself you’re not smart enough. Not polished enough. Not interesting enough, not attractive enough, not articulate enough.  Or, that you don’t have enough of something. For instance, you can’t do it until you more training, more time, more practice, more experience, a better outfit, the right atmosphere.

Stop and think about it. Is this sounding at all familiar to you? Can you identify the ways you may be the victim of Not Enough?

The tragedy of this Illusion of Not Enough is two-fold. One, it keeps you small, silent, scared and frozen in place. It prevents you from moving towards what you want and what you deserve.

But the even bigger tragedy is that it’s all a lot of hooey! It just isn’t true. It is, in fact, an Illusion. You ARE enough. Who says otherwise? As Kim George says, “Who’s holding the measuring tape?” And against what standard of measurement are they holding it?
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I couldn’t stop squirming in my seat.

Every word out of his mouth made me fidget with frustration. It was all I could do to not shout out loud, “Please shut up and sit down!”

I was at a conference listening to a very experienced public speaker talk about how to speak in public. And, like most “speaking experts,” he was spelling out all the do’s and don’t’s of public speaking. Outlining the right ways and the wrong ways, the good ways and even better ways to get your point across and wow your audience.

He even told us what colors to wear. How to stand. How to move. He told us to be sure to amp up our energy, get the crowd to say “Yes!,” and be responsible for the energy of the room.

Aaarrrggh!

Okay, I fully understand that this expert, like most speaking experts, are very well-intentioned. They really want to help you be effective and do your best. But this rules-of-the-road approach to public speaking is what contributes mightily to the fear, doubt, self-consciousness and feeling of “not-enoughness” that many people feel when it comes to speaking in public. It chokes people’s own, true, unique, wild voice, their own natural way of expressing themselves.

You already have everything you need to be an effective, charismatic speaker. You do. You don’t need to adopt certain tricks or mannerisms. Nor do you need to speak with an artificially amped-up enthusiasm or energized voice. You do not need to move in this way or that. Or use props or powerpoint. All of these suggestions, though well-meaning, keep us struck in the illusion that we need to be other than who we are right now, in this moment, in order to speak well in public.

Yes, it’s always good to learn from people with experience. But not at the expense of losing touch with the truth that we have, right now, to inherent ability to express ourselves fully, effectively, creatively and fearlessly.

You already have it all. Everything you need to speak in public. For instance:
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I’m starting a new adventure and I’m bring you with me!

There is a man named Dr. Claude Windenberger who has this fascinating process by which he can free anyone from any unwanted condition. Well, that is, if they are willing to be free of that condition.

Wanna know more? Well, I sure did when he called me how many weeks ago.

Dr. Claude called me up one day out of the blue because he had heard about me and Unconditional Confidence through Alex Mandossian’s TeleSeminar Secrets. It’s a long story. Anyway, Dr. Claude was intrigued because our business names are so similar. He calls his work Unconditional Freedom.

When he told me about what he does I laughed and told him, "If you can do what you say you can do, then my work has just become obsolete!"

Now, I may not get the semantics just right, but basically, Dr. Claude told me that by taking people through a very simple process which bascially consists of a series of questions, he can help people be free of any unwanted condition. ANY unwanted condition.

How could I not be fascinated? I HAD to try it. Just think what this could do for people who are afraid of speaking in public? Or afraid of anything for that matter. Could Dr. Claude free people from fear? Now, THAT would be fanstastic!
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This concludes the Special Report, "The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." A quick Summary, and a new definition.

In Summary

So, there you go! The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing in Public With Confidence, Ease and Your Own Kind of Creative Charisma.

How do they feel to you? Do you feel you’re ready to start integrating these Secrets into your expressive life? Can you feel how they could transform your communication and public self-expression?

If you’re ready to go for it, I suggest you start by focusing on one or two of the Secrets that really resonate with you now. Let yourself play with them in your daily life. All of these Secrets apply to all aspects of your life, not just when you’re speaking or performing for an audience. Then, play with a few more of the Secrets. You’ll discover the ones that are perfect for you.
 
These Secrets are explored and integrated in the advanced Unconditional Confidence® trainings, so if you want some coaching around these Secrets, please feel free to contact me through this blog or website. I offer several teleclasses, teleclinics and individual coaching programs that will allow you to fully integrate and expand upon these Diva Secrets.

Now, I promised to share with you my new definition of the word, Diva. 

A Diva is anyone who is connected to their own divine, creative source and true spirit AND is able to freely express themselves from that state of connection, in their life, work or art.

That’s my new definition. How do you like it? I know, it’s a bit nebulous. It’s a work in progress. As you will read in the Appendix below, I tried to use the best of the original definition yet make “Divahood” available to everyone. Because everyone has the ability to connect with one’s divine, creative self, one’s true self, and express oneself from that place of connection. Don’t you think?
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This is the last Secret from the Special Report, "The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." There will be a summary, though.
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Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!

I have a friend who always says, “Fun comes first!”

When it comes to speaking, performing or expressing yourself in any way, let your sense of fun lead the way. Let your priority be to create an experience that is fun for you. Be very selfish about this.

How can you have the most fun ever while you are presenting or performing? How can you create that for yourself?

Sometimes when I present this Secret to adults they just don’t get it. “What’s the point of having fun? Who cares about that? I need to make this sale, close this deal.” Or they say, “Fun? How can I have fun speaking in public? I just want it to be over fast!”

Let me help you out with this a little.

When you connect to what is fun and enjoyable and playful for you, you are connecting to your creativity, your aliveness AND your natural confidence in who you are. When you allow yourself to play and have fun, there is an energy that surges through you to carry you to where you want to go.

And when you allow yourself to have fun, your audience will find you irresistible. Even if they can’t understand a word you are saying, they will be drawn towards your energy.

Now, some of you may be saying, “But I’m talking about serious things here. I can’t be having fun!”  That’s just not true. You don’t have to be silly and irreverent to have fun. It’s all about enjoying yourself to the maximum and allowing your playful, creative energy to be present no matter what you are talking about.
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Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." One more Secret to go after this one!
__________
Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you have full permission to just be who you are when you’re speaking or performing? Well, it will feel even better when you give your audience full permission to just be who they are, too.

This means that if your audience is bored, tired, or disinterested, that’s okay with you! If they are crazy with enthusiasm, well, all right! That’s okay, too.

You don’t have to control your audience. You don’t have to take care of them. Unless you’re performing for a group of infants, chances are they can all take care of themselves. Allow your audience to be as they are. They may very well be tired. That’s okay. They may want to be somewhere else. That’s okay, too. Don’t take it personally. They are just being who they are in that moment.

I have a friend who is wonderful professor of psychology at a college. She loves teaching. She loves interacting with her students during class and they love her as well. Recently she told me that she can be having a great time presenting something to her students, but if there is one student in back who is falling asleep, she feels compelled to grab his attention and make him to join the party.

“Why?” I asked her. “Why are you focusing so much energy and attention on the ONE student who could care less when you have a whole room full of students who are hungry to hear what you have to say? Stay where the party is. Let that student sleep it off. Leave him be and stay connected with those students who are available to connect with you.”

I would tell you the same thing. If half of your audience seems to be falling asleep, stay available and receptive to the half that is paying attention. Allow yourself to be with those who are available for connection rather than wasting your attention on those who would rather be someplace else.
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Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I am posting these Secrets one by one every week. Until I run out.

Secret #5
Connection Comes Before Content

Have you ever talked with someone and immediately felt a connection? “Wow, we really connected,” you say to yourself. It’s as if something clicked in and opened up and there was an exchange of energy that went beyond the words spoken. You feel it, and if feels great.

Now, you’ve probably always thought that in order to be a great speaker or performer you have to go out there and give your audience all you’ve got with passion, enthusiasm and excellence. But in a way, the opposite is true.
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