Complaining v.s. GossipingIs There a Difference?

Is gossiping the same as complaining?

Yesterday, I was doing great with my new challenge to stop complaining and start appreciating. Until I met my friend Jason for a mocha at the French Hotel in Berkeley. Jason and I don’t get to see each other very much so when we do, we talk about everything. Mostly about singers, singing, health issues, and what the heck we are doing with our lives. Simple stuff, like that.

Well, we fell into gossiping because it’s just too easy to do.  And I was wondering, is this complaining? If I am talking negatively about anyone, is that complaining, or is it just…noticing. And then commenting? Offering opinion?

Now, when we were talking about health stuff, we were complaining. I admit it! I complained. I talked about something unwanted and I gave it energy, and that, to me, is a complaint. But I immediately started appreciating. I appreciated Jason, who is such a love. And the mocha I was drinking was so rich with really, really good chocolate. And the photos on the wall of the French Hotel were so interesting.

But what about gossiping?

I decided, after really looking at it, that if you are talking about someone else in a negative way, that IS complaining. Because you are saying: I don’t like this and I’m going to give it tons of energy by talking about it.

Even if you’re having a great time talking about it? Even if it feels really good?

Yes. Even if it feels really good. Because you know what? It doesn’t really feel all that good. It only feels good because we’re connecting with another human being by talking. But does it ever feel good to say negative things about anybody? Maybe temporarily. As the words are flying out of your mouth. But the aftertaste is bitter.

What do you think? Is gossiping a form of complaining?

2 replies
  1. Tuck, The Rebel Belle
    Tuck, The Rebel Belle says:

    Here’s the way I look at it Nancy…if I find myself complaining about someone or dwelling on something about them…I always ask myself a question. Why am I being triggered? What are they a reflection of for me. I’m usually pretty clear that what they are showing me are aspects of myself I’m hiding from or not willing to acknowledge or embrace. Then…I get to thank them for the gift they bring to my life…the opportunity to acknowledge and accept all that I am. This Universe rocks doesn’t it?

  2. Nancy Tierney
    Nancy Tierney says:

    This is a great suggestion on how to get the most out of one’s complaining! Turn it around by getting to the root of it within oneself and then transform it with appreciation. I love it.

    Your suggestion made me think of the other day when I got together with my friend and found myself gossiping. Perhaps we were just commenting on what we fear about ourselves? Or what we fear others think of us?

    Great suggestion.


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