Two months ago, I came to a screeching stop. All my passion and interest in my work evaporated. Every project, plan, goal and dream I had dissolved into the ethers. No matter how hard I tried to stir up my inspiration and motivation, I couldn’t feel anything but tired, confused and very depressed. It’s as if I woke up one morning and all the passion and love I felt for my work was gone.

And it felt horrible. It was as if some life-sucking alien had invaded my body and wouldn’t leave. I felt separated from myself, from my life energy, from desire.

I turned to my husband one night, with tears streaming down my face, and I said, “I feel broken, and I don’t know how to fix myself.”

What do you do when you don’t know what to do, when you stop caring about what you thought you loved, and feel separated from the “you” you thought you were? What happens to your self-confidence?

After my initial sadness and despair at feeling so lost, I realized that I was facing a challenge of confidence. Do I have enough confidence in myself, in who I am, to feel this broken, confused and directionless and still know I’m all right? Can I trust myself enough to not know, to stop, maybe even let go of this work I used to love and still feel that I am okay?

As a society and as a species we are so defined by our “doing.” By our job, our role, our contribution. We are classified and judged by our achievements and accomplishments. And when you don’t “do” anything, when you can’t even voice a vision for what you might be doing soon, and you’re not sure what direction to move towards or even how you feel about anything, that’s when you can start to feel like a worthless piece of garbage. That’s when you discover your level of confidence in WHO you are not just WHAT you do.

When people ask me about Unconditional Confidence, I always tell them that the intention of any Unconditional Confidence program is to develop an unshakeable confidence in WHO you are, not just in WHAT you do. Most anyone can become comfortable and confident in their ability to do a certain “action” or task. For instance, you probably feel completely confident that you can pick up the phone and make a phone call. You don’t even question it. You’ve done it a million times or more. Some people feel the same way about their job. They know they can do it and do it well.

But that kind of confidence is conditional. It lives in your ability to do a specific thing. What happens to that confidence when you are stripped of that action, that job, that “doing?”

In the one-day Unconditional Confidence training the first thing we do is learn how to just be in front of a group without anything to do or anything to say. This is the work established by Lee Glickstein in Speaking Circles International, and it is definitely the most challenging aspect of these workshops because most people have never been asked to just be present without words, without action, without something specific to offer.

Almost everyone in these workshops squirms and struggles with this “just be present” aspect of the work. Some people find a way to do something internally, like hold an intention of some kind, even if they aren’t doing or saying anything externally. Some people hold themselves stiff, trying to do this “just be” thing right. We have so little tolerance or ease with just being who we are without trying, without having something to do or something to prove.

We’ve never been taught that our presence, that who we are, is valuable and worthwhile and more than enough, and we can enjoy just being present.

This kind of work feels so symbolic to me now as I move through this time of “just being; not doing.” I’ll be honest with you, it’s been extremely challenging. See, I’m a doer. I love to be in action, especially when the action is fueled with passion and a zest for life. To feel so cut off from this part of myself has been a journey of confidence, of unconditional confidence.

Can I know that even when I feel dead inside, when I don’t have a clue as to what’s next, when I can’t get excited about anything, that I am okay, that I am enough? Do I have enough faith in myself and in life itself to open and allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling without resistance, without shame? Can I enjoy “just being” with ease and trust?

Yes, I can. I am. Some days are better than others. Some days, I just want someone to give me a magic answer. Or a magic pill that will make me feel like myself again. But most of the time I am allowing myself to not know, to just be as I am, and feel confident that who I am is enough.

I was at a meeting the other night where I told a small group of business women that I didn’t know a thing, that I was bathing in uncertainty. I told them that while it was uncomfortable and even scary at times, I still knew that I was okay, that in some way, it was all for the best and I would be led into action when the time was right.

And, as the song says, “The rest is still unwritten.”

Tags: Self-Confidence Career Confidence

I wrote this entry a while ago and set it to be posted, but somehow, it just didn’t happen. Better late than never, I guess!

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Every now and then, Graham English offers some very cool tips and tools over on his blog.
His focus is primarily on helping musicians and songwriters, but some of the tools he offers are great for speakers and performers of all kinds.

Like his most recent post on Mental Rehearsal. Now, I love mental rehearsal! When I am creating a new show or getting ready for a singing gig, I lie on the couch and rehearse the whole show in my mind. Not only does this help me prepare, it also tends to spark new ideas that I hadn’t considered before.

 But Graham is giving us a technique I’ve never heard of before: The Swoosh Technique. I like the sound of that, don’t you. SWOOSH!

Check it out. Give it a try. Let me know what you think.

Just when I was about to give up hope, a Rose appeared to remind me of who I really am.

That Rose is Lynn Rose, a powerhouse singer, speaker, teacher and all around amazing woman.

I met Lynn a couple of years ago at Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Speaking Event in Los Angeles where she had the challenging job of singing before this huge crowd of expert speakers and speaker wannabes. She warmed up the audience with her blow-‘em–away performances so that everyone was ready to rumble by the time Mark hit the stage. I don’t think anyone could have done it better. Her voice and her presence were so huge, so enlivening that the crowd went wild every time she appeared.

Well, last night, I had the good fortune to receive another hit of Lynn’s energy and passion. She was interviewed by Tom Antion, a great speaker and internet-marketing guru, on one of Tom’s special teleclasses. Lynn was talking about creating the Wow Factor, or how anyone can be a powerful, captivating presence on stage and off stage. She teaches a 2-day workshop called "Achieving the WOW Factor" which is coming up on Sept. 9 & 10, in Marina del Ray, CA.

As I listened to Lynn, two things happened to me.

One, I was floored by how much her teaching matches my own. Three of her four main points mirrored perfectly the three Power Tools I offer on my “Engage Your Audience” CD and in all the Unconditional Confidence programs. Her envisioning process felt identical to my "Focus on the Fabulous" process.

And her passion and love for this work, well, it so reminded me of me!

Now, I’m not saying I’m being plagiarized. Heavens no! I just think that both Lynn and I approach this work of being and expressing all of who we are from the same perspective. We’re not teaching people techniques and gestures and gimmicks and tricks. Both of us want to offer people the real thing. Real, bone-deep confidence, authentic connection with others, celebration of what is, and the unlimited joy and aliveness that comes when one is fully, authentically self-expressed, on stage and off.

The second thing that struck me while listening to Lynn was how much I needed to hear what she had to say.

I needed to hear what I already knew. I needed to hear it from someone besides me. There was something so uplifting and revitalizing about hearing her talk about what I know to be true. Especially when she spoke about it so well.

I needed to feel her passion so I could feel my own, because lately, it’s been hard to feel it. Doubt and discouragement have been chewing at my throat and whipping me around like a rag doll.

But listening to Lynn speak with such passion and energy, to have her remind me of what I know and love, was such a blessing. I can’t thank her enough.

Listen, you should check out her website. She’s got some amazing freebies in addition to this great workshop she has coming up on September 9 & 10. If I hadn’t already spent my entire education budget for the year, I would be there myself just so I could get a huge hit of her energy.

Lynn only allows 20 people in these workshops so that every person gets a lot of stage time and tons of personal attention. It’s so obvious that she is dedicated to making sure her students get what they came for!

P.S. If you’re not on Tom Antion’s mailing list, you might want to check it out. He is quickly becoming one of my favorite interviewers, and he is one of the most entertaining, take-me-as-I-am kind of speakers I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. And he’s also very generous to his guests.

I just confessed to all of you that I’m writing a book. In 45 Days.

It’s got me thinking about my willingess to be fearless and authentic in my written self-expression as well as my wild, in-the-moment spoken communication. To tell you the truth, when I get to sit and write and think and review and edit, I’m a little bit more cautious. A little bit less brash.

By no coincidence, since I don’t believe in coincidence, I’ve been turned on to Lisa Wilder’s blog where she has been talking about why she’s not writing.

Like Lisa, I have found it very tough to express myself in writing or any other way when I’m trying to say something that isn’t completely true for me. Or, rather, if I’m writing about one thing but my heart and mind has been taken hostage by something else that is going on in my life.

I feel this responsibility to be the expert, to know what I’m talking about, to understand where all of you are coming from, to be able to offer you support, tools and information that is truly helpful and liberating. I mean, why else would you tune in?

At the same time, I just want to shout at you,
"Stop being so &%$# scared!
Stop caring what everyone else thinks!
Have your voice!
Make mistakes!
Be bold and wild and outrageous!
Or be shy and timid and quiet, but
speak up any way!
Sing your song, loudly!
Speak your mind!
Express who you truly are!
Stop being so d*&% scared!"

Whew! Thanks. I needed that.

Time for a pop quiz!

You remember those, don’t you?

When your teacher would surprise you with a quiz that you were in no way prepared for? If you had any control-freak, perfectionist qualities, you dreaded those pop quizzes!

Well, in honor of the upcoming  teleclass, “The 20-Second Connection: How to Create Conversation, Curiosity and Connection Every Time You Answer the Question, “What Do YOU Do?” I’ve got a pop quiz for you. Don’t groan!  It’s for your own good!

If you’ve been paying attention in class, you know that we’ve been talking about how to create conversation, curiosity and connection any time you answer the question, “What do YOU do?” And if you’ve been following along with rapt attention, you might have tried creating an answer to that question that does, in fact, grab people’s interest and communicates the essence of what you provide.

Well, let’s just see!

Write down what you usually say when someone asks you the question, “What do you do?”

Now, ask yourself these questions as you consider your answer:
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