Yesterday at the "Become the Star You Are" TeleClinic, we talked about how to be as comfortable talking to a whole gaggle of folks as you are when talking to your best friend over a cup of coffee.

One of the keys is to be conversational. You don’t have to speak in some fancy, formal way when you’re talking to a group. You can be casual and conversational. In fact, it’s inviting and friendly when you do, AND you will feel so much more at ease!

Carla Kimball of River Way Enterprises says it perfectly in her e-newsletter. Here’s an excerpt from her "C is for Conversation" issue she sent to me back in May:

"I believe that much of the fear and anxiety associated with public speaking comes from how we choose to think about it.  If we think of it as a speech or a presentation we have to make  to an audience, we create all kinds of expectations for ourselves.  We have to be brilliant, show that we know our stuff, entertain  them, motivate and inspire them, keep them interested…

 "…What if you thought of it as a conversation rather than a presentation?  What if you simply spoke to one person at a time, whether you have  4 people in your audience or 400? Even if you are doing all the  talking, there is an energetic exchange that can happen if you are  open to it."

Carla is right on the money when she says that our fear and anxiety is directly related to how we choose to think about it (public speaking).

Remember, there’s no such thing as public speaking. There’s just speaking. And we do it all day long! Some wise guy said that somewhere. (In fact, if you know who said that, would you let me know? I’d love to give him full credit).

If you remember that speaking in front of a group can be as easy and natural and conversational as the kind of speaking you do all day long, you will start to challenge some of those old ways of thinking. Those old ways of thinking that aren’t serving you very well anymore.

You can sign up for Carla’s newsletter (which I’m really enjoying) at her website:
http://www.riverways.com/

“Why does that happen to me? I don’t get it?"

My friend Trisha. She just got back from a dinner party.

“It’s the weirdest thing,” she continues, “Someone will ask me, “What do you do?” and it’s as if they just asked me to strip naked and do a dance. I feel this mild panic, and as I try to tell them about my coaching practice, the words kind of stumble out of my mouth, but they sound stupid and empty. I end up feeling small and embarrassed. And so disappointed in myself.”

Trisha is not alone. I know so many solo entrepreneurs who feel the same way. Even the most confident of the pack can feel cut off at the knees whenever they answer that notorious question: What do YOU do?

The truth is that when someone asks you that question, you’ve got about 20 seconds to answer, spark their curiosity, initiate a conversation and create a connection. In 20 seconds, you need to be immediately interesting and captivating while communicating the huge scope of what you have to offer. No wonder we feel pressured and on the spot!

How can you answer that question so that whoever is listening feels compelled to ask for more information? Can you say something that will never fail to initiate a lively conversation?

How can you create a real connection with someone in just 20 seconds?

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During last week’s "Become the Star You Are" TeleClinic, we talked about Kelly Pickler, one of the contestants on "American Idol," and how she survived after totally screwing up while singing the song "Bewitched." While some people at the TeleClinic had never watched American Idol, a fact I find hard to believe, we all had some insight into what it was about Kelly that made her impervious to being eliminated.

Kelly’s disaster AND how she handled it was an amazing example of how being real, vulnerable and totally honest is so much more magnetic and winning than just performing something perfectly. Audiences are hungry for someone who’s not hiding behind the need to appear greater than they are, someone who will just say, "Hey, this is me, and I really goofed up."

(If you want to check out the recording of this TeleClinic, just register here).

But this last week, Kelly did get voted off after another really poor performance. It made me wonder if her first disaster had gotten to her, that she wasn’t able to shake it off as well as I thought she might.

Nonetheless, she’s still got her straightforward spunk, as Daniel Feinberg of Zap2it.com reports here:

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My friend Scott and I were complaining about last night’s American Idol. Eventhough neither of us are big Ace fans, we couldn’t believe that America didn’t vote Kelly Pickler off the show after she completely messed up the song "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" by Rodgers and Hart.

I was ranting that America must still have some kind of unconditional love for dumb blonds. I’m sorry, but Kelly’s wide-eyed naivete is wearing very, very thin.

But once I calmed down, I realized there may be another reason why Kelly didn’t get voted off.

She didn’t make any excuses. She said out loud, "I butchered it.!" She didn’t try to cover anything up. Unlike a lot of public figureheads these days.

Perhaps America stayed in love with Kelly for two reasons.

1. Because we can relate to her. We all mess up every now and then, despite our best intentions.
2. We respect people who make a mistake and just admit it.

Or maybe American really does love dumb blondes. (Now, before you send me evil emails, I’m not saying ALL blonds are dumb. Only some of them).

There is something irresistible about people who just are who they are, even when they aren’t at their best. We trust them. We feel at home with them. And we relate to them.

In my article The Myth of Mistakes I talked about my friend Bridget who is so engaging and fun when she forgets her lyrics and just vamps her way through the song until she remembers what comes next. The audience loves her when this happens, not because they want to hear her mess up, but because all of a sudden Bridget is just a person and not a professional singer. She is someone we can relate to, someone who messes up yet finds her way again.

I have many clients who won’t speak up or even raise their hand in a workshop situation because they are afraid making a mistake or asking the wrong question. They are afraid of what people will think of them if they are less then perfect.

Well, Kelly, why don’t you tell them?

Hey, you guys! You can mess up BIG TIME and still be America’s Sweetheart! Kelly Pickler is living proof.

Tags: American Idol Kelly Pickler Music TV Entertainment Mistakes

My friend and coach extraordinaire Eva Gregory co-hosts an internet radio show called "The Thrive Factor" on Voice America. Eva and her co-host Dory Willer have some absolutely fabulous guests on this show, AND you can call in and ask questions! Very fun.

But the real reason I am telling you all this is because back in January, Eva and Dory interviewed Lee Glickstein of Speaking Circles International, and this past weekend, I finally listened to the archive of that interview and I recommend it highly!

To find the archive is a little tricky. Just go to the Voice America site, then click on the link that says "Content Library." The link to "The Thrive Factor" is under the first heading, which is "Advertising/Marketing/Public Relations." Click on that link, and at the bottom of the page is a list of the archives. Lee’s interview was on January 19, 2006.

I’m sorry I can’t give you a direct link to the interview. Voice America uses frames for their site so a direct link doesn’t show up. Just keep going until you find it!

As many of you know, I trained with Lee back in 2001, and I just love the essence of what he teaches. He really is the master of what he calls, Relational Presence, which is the ability to just be with your audience, one person at a time, in a receptive, effortless state of being. Check out how Lee describes Relational Presence by following this link to the Speaking Circles website.

But don’t forget to check out the interview, and then mark your calendars for "The Thrive Factor" on Thursday mornings, 9:00 am Pacific.