Okay, I’ve already gotten complaints about this Complaint Free Counter Challenge!
Isn’t that funny! Complaints about not complaining! I love it!

The point that some people are making is this: to not complain is a form of denial. For instance, if we don’t protest, if we choose to turn away from that which we feel is “wrong,” then we are living in denial. We’re being deluded, apathetic Pollyannas.

I don’t see it that way. Not complaining doesn’t mean not noticing. Nor does it mean you don’t take action to make changes you feel are necessary and good. I’m not talking about becoming brain dead. In fact, I’m advising that you use your brain to create, influence and enhance your life and your world. How?

By choosing.

The truth is that you can’t help but notice what you don’t like. Your mind is built to discern, think, judge and evaluate. It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. That’s what minds do.

Where our power comes in is in our choice. We can choose to push against what we are noticing by complaining or protesting or silently grumbling under our breath. Or we can choose to focus on what we would prefer. And perhaps even take action in that direction.

Complaining doesn’t do anything except to give more energy and power and attention to that which you don’t like. So, you’re actually feeding the problem. You’re not just noticing it. You’re adding to it.

But if you choose instead to give your attention and voice to that which you do want, that which you prefer, like a solution, that’s empowering what you do want. And that’s not complaining. That’s creating.

If there’s something that’s a problem for you or the world, give your attention to the solution, to that which feels good, rather than give endless complaining energy to that which you hate.

I don’t believe not complaining is a form of denial. Nor do I believe that appreciating is a delusional and pollyanna-ish. It just makes good sense.

Could you stop complaining for 21 days?

About anything. No complaining about anything. Even internally. So, when you’re driving behind someone who’s going super slow, can you NOT internally curse that person or the situation?

I was watching Oprah a few days ago (yes, I watch her sometimes, usually when The View is on hiatus, as it was this week) and she had as her guest Will Bowen, pastor of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri, who took a small idea and created a monster revolution.

In a Sunday morning sermon, Pastor Will (who’s quite a cutie, don’t ya think?) challenged his congregation to stop complaining for 21 days. He took on the challenge himself, and to help his congregation, he gave them all these purple rubber bracelets. You know, the kind Lance Armstrong started with his “Live Strong’ campaign so many years ago.

This is all part of Pastor Will’s campaign to create a Complaint Free World.

Here’s how it works. You wear the bracelet, and any time you catch yourself complaining, about anything, you move the bracelet to the other wrist. The goal is to go 21 days with that bracelet on one wrist, which means you haven’t complained in 21 days.

Well, this church challenge has grown like wildfire. People all over the world are taking up Pastor Will’s challenge and the Christ Church Unity is sending these purple bracelets out like crazy. As of today, 3,565, 251 bracelets have been sent.

There is no charge for these bracelets! If you want to send the church a donation you can.

But here’s my counter challenge.

It’s always hard to stop something, any habit or addiction, without giving yourself something to replace it with. And anytime we are saying “NO!” to anything, it just causes that thing to grow in our experience. Anything we resist, persists. According to the Law of Attraction.

So, how about, instead of creating a Complaint Free World, we create A World Drunk On Appreciation.

Here’s how my challenge works.
Read more →

More stuff about The Secret.

It’s funny how something so positive can become so controversial!

Yesterday, when I wrote about my buddy Andy and his skeptical attitude towards the teachings in The Secret, I didn’t really tell you my impression of The Secret and the incredible marketing campaign that effectively made it the hit and hot topic of the day.

Then, today, I read Michael Port’s great blog post about The Secret, and I thought I’d weigh in on the subject.

When I first saw The Secret, I thought, "Well, it’s a little cheesy. And it really focuses on how to get stuff. And it has that ridiculous, pseudo-mid-evil thing going on that makes NO sense at all, except to give the false impression that this really IS a secret stored away in an underground cave somewhere. But, it’s a start. It’s a good start."

And what I meant by that was, hey, it can get people interested in using the Law of Attraction as a way to improve their life and well-being. What could be wrong with that?

My friend Julee hated it. She just thought it was over-the-top and stupid with all those Raiders of the Lost Arc kind of scenes that had nothing to do with anything. Julee, like me, is a big lover and devotee, so to speak, of the Law of Attraction. But both of us have moved past that fall-in-love stage with LOA (Law of Attraction) and have found it is so much more than "Think about it and it will come."
Read more →

Well, what happened? With Dr. Claude?

I promised to write more and I’ve been sorely absent from this blog. But I am making good on my promise now.

I did have my session with Dr. Claude. In fact, I’ve had two sessions. Am I free of my unwanted condition? No. Did I learn about how to be free from certain unwanted conditions?

Kind of.

So why write about it? Because I feel Dr. Claude’s process could be very helpful for certain people who feel stuck in certain emotional states or habitual patterns of distress, like fear, anxiety, and so forth. His process is very logical. It works with how you think about the CAUSE of your unwanted condition. And it works in giving you the choice to either keep your unwanted condition or not. It’s all up to you.

For instance, if you have a fear of public speaking, you may have a million variations on that fear,  like, the fear of messing up, the fear of public humiliation, etc. But the unwanted condition is "I am afraid."

Dr. Claude then works with what anchors that condition in your experience by making clear the cause and effect relationship you are hanging on to. For instance, "I am afraid (the effect) because people will think I’m stupid (the cause of the fear). Or, "I am afraid because I’m not prepared."

That word "because" represents the way we tie the unwanted condition to something we see as the cause of that condition.

Am I getting too abstract?
Read more →

I love Google.

Google sends me email. Wonderful little snippets on topics in the news or on blogs that pertain to my interests, like public speaking tips, self-confidence, self-expression, etc. It’s very cool.

Here are a few articles I discovered, thanks to Rhona-May Arca, a piano and music teacher in Canada who has a blog called Musings at Musespeak.

Stage Fright — by Drew McManus

Should musicians (or speakers, for that matter) use performance enhancing drugs? Does it put them at an advantage if they do? This article talks about the use of beta-blockers and such.

This topic comes up a lot when I’m working with musicians. To take drugs or to not take drugs, IS that the question?

I personally don’t have strong feelings about it either way. If taking beta-blockers helps you enjoy performing and doesn’t get in your way, then by all means. Take them. But I’d try them first when you’re not in a performance situation so you can evaluate the effect they do have.

Stressed for Success – David Templeton

This is a great article that focuses on the work and philosophy of Dr. Don Greene, a sports and performance psychologist who has written many books on performing under pressure, like Fight Your Fear and Win: 7 Skills for Performing Your Best Under Pressure;  Performance Success: Performing Your Best Under Pressure and Audition Success: An Olympic Sports Psychologist Teaches Performing Artists How to Win.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this article:

"If you can do a piece in a practice room—efficiently and well—then you have the technical abilities to do it," says Greene. "But then if you go on stage and are not able to execute the piece, it’s not a technical issue. It’s a mental issue, an issue of how you deal with stress. A lot of people then will go back to the practice room to work on a problem that wasn’t there, namely their technique, when the problem wasn’t their technique—it was their response to stress…

"…The mistake I see is that they never switch over from practicing practice," he continues, "to practicing performance. And then they go out on stage—where the environment is very different—expecting to do something they’ve never adequately practiced. All that time they’ve been practicing doing something they’re not going to do. They’re not going to go out there and rehearse, stopping and starting and correcting. At some point, a musician should start practicing performance—making an entrance, playing the piece straight through regardless of what happens, and then getting up to make the exit."

First Performance Jitters — by Rex and Carolyn Sikes

I loved this article, even if it was hard to read on that dark background.

This is about getting your mind on your side, asking the right questions, the ones that will focus your mind on what you want rather then worrying about what you don’t want. Here’s a bit of the article:

"What I additionally do is ask myself positive productive questions which lead my mind in the direction I want it to go in. For example, I ask myself questions like ‘Just how surprised and delighted I will be to discover myself having a marvelous time? In how many different ways can I discover myself delighted and excited at having the opportunity to perform? How much fun can I stand and in how many ways will I find myself enthused?…

… In other words I want to get my brain to work for me. I want to say things like ‘I wonder how quickly I will realize how excited I am’ (rather than I’m nervous). Notice also I am not make affirmations – in other words I am not claiming something to be the case when it is not – I am posing questions in a particular fashion, which direct the mind and don’t set up conflicts with what you know to be true."

Okay, that’s enough reading for now.

Thanks again to Rhona-May. I enjoyed discovering your blog.